Below are the 12 most recent journal entries recorded in x.{messenger~bag~full~of~tears}.x's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, May 4th, 2005
1:52 am	It is like they made a comic of my life. And the cloud is a metaphor for my perpetual tears raining down. Crimson tears streaking across an overcast sky, with no one to catch them. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, October 22nd, 2004
6:47 pm	Woke up to the sound of Weezer Took Koolaid burst from the freezer Suddenly it all became clearer Shaved my face without a mirror I don't need to see that face All my marks of disgrace I can just wail on my base And it will all go away go away Even the sky is crying for me It says stay inside and I agree Cause nothing out there is free Nothing else can bring me glee Don't go labeling me emo or indie Might as well call me Ralph or cindy Go ahead and and poke sticks at the fire Only a 1/2 japanese girl can fulfill this desire Liiiiiiiiiiiiifffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee isssssssss paaaaaaaiiiiinnn! (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 21st, 2004
11:06 pm	Someday, one glorious day, my ovaries will grow to be as big as Chris Carraba's. That's all the hope I have these days. Current Mood: distressed Current Music: Sunny Day Real Estate (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 20th, 2004
12:01 pm	I am damaged by my art One year, five months, three weeks, six days, eighteen hours, thirty five minutes, 36.697296386239 seconds since my ex dumped me. I keep track by carving the numbers on my arm with a pencil. I can't believe it's been that long and I haven't even killed myself yet. I'm such a coward. I can't believe that cold earted bitch completely ruined my life the way she did. I started to remember the pain she caused me and I accidentally spilled my vanilla chai all over myself, and that made me cry some more. Then some jocks beat me up because I was crying, and also because it looked like I pissed myself, and that made me cry even more. Assholes. If they only knew the murky depths of my black soul that I trudge through every day to inspire mediocre minds. I'd beat the shit out of them if I could, but I'm too much of a coward. By the way, I'm still taking auditions for my band, The Adrienne Cathartic December Morning Project Theory. We still need a backup vocalist, rhythm guitarist, bassist, drummer, keyboardist, cellist, violist... well, in all honesty, I need someone other than myself. I guess that just goes to show how much I am truly unloved. You ripped out my heart and dumped boiling vindiciveness in to the crevice. Vanilla flavor. And yet I still keep track of you in my mind. I do believe I am running out of pale white flesh Current Mood: despondent Current Music: The Get Up Kids (2 Comments |Comment on this)
3:26 am	another poem I wrote down yet another poem tonight, before I go to bed. Hope you like it: Broken i am Fading away, you fading away from me like a tear falling from the sky where are you going fading, falling... hymen (grundle). (Comment on this)
2:01 am	Don't you see? Well don't you see, don't yoooooooooooou see that the charaaaaaaaaade is oveeeer? Dammit. I'm drunk on my sadness again. The sadness today was overwellming. I was thinking about how sad it all was, this whole fucking world, that I started to get sad myself. I tried to comfort myself by listening to connor oberst, and watching "The Nightmare Before Christmas" again, but it didn't work. In the process I did find this cool connor Oberst Quiz though. http://www.triv.net/html/Users10/u24163.shtml I got a perfect score. Man. Taking that quiz reminded me of all the Screaming Infidelites of the world. Why won't my girlfriend take me back? Why can't I write in paragraphs? AHHH!!!111oneeleven P.S. IM me on my new screen name, tehangst1. I picked 1, because it's so lonely. Current Mood: grave Current Music: duh (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 19th, 2004
10:46 pm	I was writing a really heartfelt song about my ex today when string on my guitar snapped and hit me in the eye. Now I can't see through my left eye and my black-rimmed glasses are broken. I wore them even though I could see fine, and now that I can't see and I actually need them, they're broken. It's kind of funny, in a cruel, ironic sort of way. I haven't been this depressed since I heard Weezer came back only to find out that they actually just sold out instead. I'm going to go listen to my Promise Ring mix tape and write some poetry. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: The Promise Ring, Very Emergency (Comment on this)
10:54 am	am i gay!? I went to school today, and they made fun of my messenger bag. I don't understand it! What's wrong with a guy carrying a messenger bag? It doesn't make me gay....or does it? Oh no, maybe it does. Maybe I'm going to fall madly in love with the next cute emo boy I see. OMG I totally just called that guy cute! What are people going to think of me??!!! I think im going to go slit my wrists and get rid of all this pain I'm feeling from my insequrities about my sexuality. My, those were big words. Current Mood: emo :( Current Music: the postal service (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, October 18th, 2004
11:04 pm	x~lphotol~x I took a photo today it's black, black like my soul. </3 (4 Comments |Comment on this)
9:54 am	this morning at breakfast, I scrambled some eggs, but when I put them on my plate, they looked like my ex's face. so I tried to cut myself with the butter knife, but it didn't work, and I got a lot of margarine on my favorite Bright Eyes shirt. I wrote a poem about it: yellow breakfast concoction fake and runny like my soul i don't know myself like an egg will never know its chicken mother does conor oberst like waffles? (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 17th, 2004
9:11 pm	*tear* Today...I got my rejection slip from a poetry contest I entered. The letter stated, among other things that: "your poetry is terrible," "you should have both your hands ripped off and your eyes jabbed out to prevent you from ever reading and/or writing such worthless crap again," and "you need to seek to professional counseling." Their comments destroyed me, and even now, I don't think I am going to make it through the night. Hopefully I'll be able to take my life succesfully tonight, I will post with my results. I got an e-mail today from my ex-girlfriend because she read my post she said I was a whiny little bastard who is going nowhere, so i responded with a poem: You left me crying in a corner my messenger bag full of tears forever stained with my emotion I can no longer live why why why can no one understand WHY? I don't think I will ever be able to love again. Oh, on a lighter note, I'm looking for a drummer for my screamo band: November's Grace through Montana Fields with Juliana, an Experiment. If no one replies tonight I am going to kill myself. Why don't I have any friends. Why God, Why? Current Mood: sad Current Music: Dashboard, like always. (Comment on this)
Monday, October 11th, 2004
10:52 pm	angst so today i tried to kill myself again but i started thinking of my ex and sliced my arm wrong my messenger bag is red now i got upset cause i'm too much of a loser to get suicide right so i cried myself to sleep why doesnt anyone talk to me? Current Mood: crushed Current Music: Dashboard Confessional - Vindicated (1 Comment |Comment on this)